


Sanctuary

by Tay (erentitanjaeger)



Series: Sheithbians [3]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Universe, F/F, Genderbend, everyone is genderbent, fem!sheith, takes place after season 3 episode 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-20 02:52:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12423585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erentitanjaeger/pseuds/Tay
Summary: [Keith is going to tell her.She knows, she knows, that she’s said that to herself before.  It’s been a promise she’s broken to herself more times than she can count.  All those times her courage was misplaced.This time, however, is different, because Keith finally realises how much little she has to lose, versus how much she has to gain.]Keith has always found excuses to keep her true feelings from Shiro, yet after the black lion locates her and they pull her from the wreckage of the Galra fighter ship, they find her voice logs held within.  Listening to them causes Keith to reflect on their relationship, how far they've come together, and how much she might have missed out on as a result of her cowardice.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yeison](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeison/gifts).



> Thanks to Yeison for commissioning me once again! I never get tired of writing fem!sheith for you!

**Then**

“This will be your commanding officer and mentor for the foreseeable future, Takashi Shirogane.  She has the highest scores in the flight simulator this academy has ever seen; you have a lot to learn from her,” Iverson’s booming voice rang throughout the hallway, holding an obviously large amount of respect for the female standing in front of Keith.

Keith gave Takashi Shirogane a once over.

She’s tall, muscular, long hair tied up in a neat bun on her head.  Her undercut means the nape of her neck is clearly showing, and her officer’s cap sits daintily on top of her dark hair.  Her face, of course, is beautiful.  Sleek, gray eyes.  Full, pink lips.  A nose a little on the bigger side, but it matches the rest of Takashi’s features.  Keith denies the flutter in her heart when their eyes meet.

“Akira Kogane, yes?” Takashi says to her.

Keith’s eyes widen when her home name is pronounced correctly, each syllable short and even, no excess enunciation over the ‘i’.

“Yes, officer,” she responds.

“This one has great potential, Shirogane,” Iverson is speaking again.  “See to it that potential is handled appropriately.”

With that, and a salute from the pair, he marches off down the hallway.

It‘s quiet between the two of them, almost awkward.  Keith has a brief moment of panic.  Is she meant to talk, to start a conversation?  Or does Takashi expect her to simply salute respectably and leave like Iverson did.  Thankfully, Keith doesn’t have to panic for long.

“I heard your entrance exam scores were the highest of the bunch,” Takashi says lightly, reaching up to remove her hat now that there’s no need for formalities.  “I’m impressed.  I remembered struggling with the entrance exam when I applied for the Garrison.”

Keith nods, unsure of what else to say.

The silence consumes them once again, and Keith begins to get anxious again.

“So, Akira,” Takashi tries again.  “Have you looked around the campus much?”

Keith replies with another nod, though rather than leaving it at that, she takes the opportunity to correct her superior officer.

“Actually, you can call me Keith.”

“Keith?”  Takashi gives Keith a puzzled look, though doesn’t look angry.

“Akira is my birth name, but everyone pronounces it wrong, so my dad gave me an American name to try and fit in at school,” Keith explains, realising her words are coming out quickly and in a rush.  She takes a deep breath, like her father taught her to do when she gets like this. 

“And he chose Keith?” Takashi still looks confused, though now she also seems amused.  Keith is thankful for the lack of judgement in Takashi’s tone.

“No, I did,” Keith corrects her.  “I really liked country music growing up, and didn’t really understand the difference between masculine and feminine names, and then when I did learn, I didn’t care.”

At this, Takashi laughs.  It’s loud and a little raucous, nothing you’d expect of a polite female in an officer’s uniform, but Keith finds that she likes it.  Keith understands Takashi isn’t laughing at her, and for that, she is thankful.

“That’s a good story,” Takashi says in between bouts of laughter that soften to giggles as she hides behind a hand.  Keith notices Takashi’s nails are polished and perfect.  “In that case, you can call me Shiro.”

Keith looks to Shiro’s smiling eyes, realises the understanding and comfort that comes from them, and instantly feels herself relax.  Despite Iverson’s previously explained expectations of her, Shiro doesn’t share those expectations.  She’s offering a warm and welcoming presence in an otherwise strange environment; a presence Keith hasn’t been able to find amongst her classmates.

“Shiro?” Keith asks.

“No one can pronounce Japanese names here, no matter how many times I correct them,” Shiro continues to smile at Keith.  “Though maybe I should pick an American name, too.”

Keith finds herself smiling back, maybe for the first time since she got here.

“No, I like Shiro.”

Shiro grins, wide and bright, eyes shining in a way Keith hope she’ll see often enough to memorise.

“Then Shiro it is.”

\---

**Now**

There’s a tension in the castle Keith can practically taste, and she hates it. 

After weeks, what had felt like years, the sudden distress beacon the black lion had detected had been more than surprising; it had been unprecedented.  Keith had been happy, elated even, when they had followed the source through a wormhole to find a lone Galra fighter ship out in the middle of space, Shiro tucked away inside. 

Quickly, however, that elation vanished.

Pulling Shiro from the ship had been like prying a china doll from the teeth of a wolf.  Shiro’s lips were blue from lack of oxygen, from lack of heating.  She had been unbearably thin, Keith having been able to wrap her arms around the frail body almost twice over.  Shiro had been grasping to life by her fingernails, and once free of the ship’s confines, had promptly passed out. 

They had rushed her to a healing pod, and while the physical damage had been mostly minimal, it had become apparent upon her exit that there was far more lying beneath the surface.  As soon as Shiro was free from the pod, she retreated within herself, was hurried to her room, and shut away from the team.  Keith understood it was to be expected, and made herself give Shiro time to come to grips with where she was and what had happened before approaching her normal life again. 

Keith had tried not to show how relieved she felt when it was Shiro who approached her.  Secret and in private, Shiro had knocked on Keith’s bedroom door only last night, silently begging for reprieve from the terrors and feelings she couldn’t seem to calm by herself.  Without question, Keith had provided Shiro with her sanctuary.

There, Shiro had remained, locked away from the rest of the castle until she decided she was fit to see anyone else. 

Everyone understood, and all showed their appreciation that Keith, at least, could watch over her closely while she recovered.

However, the question remained: recover from what?

Keith walks into the front of the ship, automatic doors swishing closed behind her as she approaches the group huddled over Pidge’s shoulder.  Pidge is tapping away, fingers moving fast as several images flash across his screen.  Everyone turns when they notice Keith approaching.

“How is she doing?” Allura is the first to speak, arms crossed over his broad chest, worry eminent on his face. 

Keith can only shrug.

“She’s not doing worse,” she offers.

“Which means she’s not doing any better, either,” Lance pipes up.  Keith offers her a dirty look.

“Slow progress is still progress,” Allura interjects before it can turn into a cat fight.  “We best be thankful for even that much.”

Keith offers a silent thanks with her eyes.

“What did you guys find?” Keith addresses the group now.

“So, Hunk and I were going through that Galra fighter ship,” Pidge starts, swiping on his screen a few times so all her images and graphs are displayed on the main monitor for everyone to see.

“Granted, we actually had to kick start it again before it could give us any information,” Hunk said.  “That thing was dead, and when I say dead, I mean it was already buried six feet under one year ago dead.  It’s a surprise we could bring it back to life at all.”

Keith doesn’t like that analogy.  Doesn’t like what else might have been found ‘six feet under’ if the black lion had not found the ship any sooner.

“Right,” Pidge continues.  “But when we did bring it back, we found that the ship has a built-in recording module that continues to work even when all other reserves have lost power.  It continues to record everything until long after; status updates, location, problems, even communication frequencies.”

“So, like a black box?” Lance asks.

Pidge nods.

“A black box? Why would a specifically coloured box have anything to do with our situation?” Allura says, his brows pulled together in confusion.

Hunk laughs.  No one else does.

“It’s the same kind of device we use on earth for our air crafts,” Pidge helps.  Allura nods.  “So, Hunk and I managed to hook it up and take a look.”

“What did you find?” Keith is moving closer to the main monitor now, glancing over stats and symbols she only barely understands.

“Not a whole lot that’s helpful.  The ship was flying through some pretty empty space; there wasn’t a whole lot to record out there.” Pidge starts, though Keith can tell without even looking at him, there’s more.  “Except…for Shiro’s voice logs.”

The entire room freezes.

“What voice logs?” Keith demands, turning swiftly.

Pidge looks like he almost regrets telling the team.

“Shiro…up until the very moment she was found, was recording everything.  Her health status, rations, oxygen levels.  For the most part, it’s pretty professional.  I guess once military, always military.  It might have been something to do to keep some semblance of normalcy while on that ship.”

Keith bites down on her tongue, clenches her fists.  If Pidge just wanted to tell her that’s all they had found, she wouldn’t have been called from her room, from Shiro’s side.  Pidge would have shared it with Keith when the chance arose, when it best suited Keith.  There was something else, something more.

“Then it gets personal,” Pidge continues, eyes downcast now.  By the look on Hunk’s face, she knows what’s coming too.  “We stopped listening half way through.  We wanted the rest of you to hear what Shiro had to say.”

Keith wonders how much of that is true, or whether Pidge couldn’t handle listening to it alone.

“Should we really listen to it?” Keith wonders aloud.  “We found Shiro, didn’t we?  She’s alive.  None of that matters now.”

There’s a heavy silence that follows.

“In order to understand how best to help Shiro,” Allura begins.  “We need to understand what she went through, and she clearly won’t be fit to talk about it any time soon.”

Keith blanches.  Shiro might be staying quiet because she doesn’t want the team to know, not just because she can’t bring herself to bring it up.  Yet Keith knows what Allura says is true, that Shiro hiding away in Keith’s room will only be an answer for so long, before the question changes and ‘slow progress’ just won’t be enough. 

“She did leave it with the intention of us listening,” Hunk says, trying to help.  “Even though she thought she’d be gone when we did, maybe these are messages she still needs us to hear.”

Keith closes her eyes, takes a deep breath.  In through her nose, and out through her mouth.

“Alright,” she concedes, opening her eyes and determinedly looking to Pidge, where the play button awaits under his fingertip.  “Play it.”

\---

**Then**

It’s been a few months since Keith had entered the Garrison.  For the most part, she had settled in rather well.  She has a routine down, her classes run smoothly, her grades are the highest of her division.  Her dad calls every week like clock-work, and though he enjoys all the stories she has about her classes and teachers, he always asks about her friends, to which she has to quickly change the subject.  She still hadn’t found a way to fit in seamlessly with the other people in her class, and even when she tried, she found herself panicking at the judgemental looks she’d get for doing things that weren’t considered ‘normal’.  Apparently, canned spaghetti on toast was not the delicacy here it was revered to be in her house, and willingly reading text books in her free time meant instant isolation.

Keith still tries, hard, but she’s never been good with people and growing up out in the middle of the desert with no one around, meant she never had to be until now.

There’s only one exception: Shiro.

Shiro only seems curious at her odd eating habits, and usually asks to at least try it before scrunching up her nose in disgust.  Shiro will actively talk about what Keith is learning in class, about the stars and orbits of the planets.  They’ll even discuss the latest discoveries made by NASA and the other space stations like the other girls in her class gossip about boys. 

Keith mentioned, once, that she didn’t like being in her dorm room because her roommates didn’t enjoy her company, and Keith couldn’t enjoy theirs.  Ever since then, Shiro had kept her own door open.  Shiro, as a senior officer, had a private dorm on the other side of the campus.  It was a bit of a walk, but Keith didn’t mind.  After only a few short weeks, Shiro’s room had become her only sanctuary.

“Pay attention cadets,” Iverson’s voice booms over them again.  “In only a few weeks, if you manage to stay alive, you’ll be put into groups of three to start flight training.  The Garrison’s flight simulator is the most advanced in the country; you can’t fool it into thinking you’re a good pilot if you aren’t.”

Keith stands amongst her classmates, barely listening to the words her Lieutenant spouts at them.  Instead, her eyes are glued to Shiro, who she watches from where they stand on the platform above the machine Iverson is now bragging about.  Shiro is in a full flight suit, which are flattering on no one, yet Keith can’t help but think it suits Shiro.  Shiro is talking to her own mentor, nodding along and discussing the demonstration she is about to undertake.

The view of the simulator is displayed on a large screen above the machine, so the cadets can watch as the best pilot in the school can ‘show them how it’s done’.  Keith’s fingers itch, her heart beating in her chest.  She’s been too excited to start in the simulator since she read about it years ago, and now is she not only about to see it in action, but she’s about to see how great Shiro really is.

Shiro now turns to the group of cadets, smiling politely at them all, but locking eyes with Keith.  Keith finds it suddenly getting warm as Shiro winks at her, before she pulls her helmet over her head and climbs in. 

The demonstration, to say the least, is spectacular.

Shiro makes it look effortless as she flies the simulation through an asteroid belt, avoiding shards of ice and collisions with rocks, successfully docking onto a space station.  Though it’s supposed to be one of the simpler simulation tests, Keith can hear her heartbeat in her ears as she watches Shiro fly.  It’s like physical poetry; smooth, seamless, and beautiful.  Keith wants nothing more than to drag Shiro away to her dorm, and ask her anything and everything she can about the test. About how Shiro did it, about how she felt while flying through space, even if it was fake.

The score is displayed on the screen for everyone to see, and though it’s still one of the highest in Garrison history, it’s not Shiro’s best by far.  Keith has memorised Shiro’s scores, ready to beat them as soon as she’s at the controls.

Everyone applauds as Shiro and her team climb from the simulator, Keith included, numb to everything around her.

Shiro unclasps her helmet, pulling it from her shoulders, and it’s the first sign that the simulation was any kind of effort.  Her hair is plastered to her forehead, sweat beading down her face.  Shiro happily takes a water bottle offered to her and skulls half of it in one go. 

Everyone else is still clapping, but Keith has stilled.

Shiro is smiling at the class, waving, and her and the crew even take a comical bow for their performance.  When Shiro rises, more fly away hairs stick to her face, her face is pink and she’s still out of breath, but smiling.  So bright and carefree and happy, Keith can’t imagine her ever being sad.  Her eyes are shiny and, though Keith is sure she’s imagining it, seem to be directed right at her. 

Keith gulps, and gives a shy wave.

Her suspicions are confirmed when Shiro gives an enthusiastic wave back, her smile brighter than ever.

Keith swallows again, and falls in love.

\---

**Now**

The first few logs are difficult to hear.

Apparently, they had missed catching Shiro only by a hair, and her first log only plunged Keith’s heart into a pool of guilt.  Allura reasons they had no way of knowing any of the Galran ships would have held their friend, that they are not to blame.  Yet Keith, as the leader, knows differently.

The next logs are short, only relays of Shiro’s status and how she plans to ration food for as long as possible.  Minimum calorie count is no longer an element in her plans as she eats only a few bites of food a day, and even less water.  There’s nothing of her capture, or her escape.

However, over the next hour, the recordings grow increasingly longer, more intense and harder to hear.

Slowly, Shiro starts babbling.  She’ll go on about things that don’t make sense at first, then as she lets more and more of her experience as a prisoner slip from her lips, and of her harrowing journey over the ice-capped planet, it starts to make more sense.  Keith flinches when Shiro starts talking about some kind of crab monster, with giant pincers and tentacles that tried to strangle her where she had stood.  Shiro tries to joke, tries to say how she’ll never eat seafood again, but nobody laughs.

When the crew reach day five, Keith’s knuckles are white, gripped tight in the folds of her jacket.  Shoulders hunched, her eyes hurt they’re spread so wide, and her lip is in danger of bleeding from where she worries at it constantly. 

Shiro’s voice grows desperate, no longer clinging to the idea of life, more just dangling from any hope she can find within herself.  Her voice is thick, though they’re pretty sure she hasn’t shed any tears.  She’s stopped babbling now, no longer wafting off in tangents or making dry jokes at her current situation.  It seems to have set in that she could surely die. 

Keith wishes, with all her might, she could reach through these voice logs to the time they had been created, grip Shiro’s face in her hands and tell her it will be alright.  Yet it doesn’t work like that, and Keith can only tighten the grip she has on herself, and clench her teeth throughout Shiro’s words. 

There are now huge lapses of silence.  They can hear Shiro breathing, knows she’s still there, but whether she had fallen asleep or simply could not summon the energy to talk, they do not know.  When she whimpers, from nightmares or from conscious fear, Keith has to bite her knuckles.

On the last day, the day Shiro was found, there is a sudden increase in activity.  She starts as she always does, goes over her rations, water and oxygen levels, recites the ship’s status and location, before going silent once again.  There’s heavy breathing, and the crew figure Shiro has relapsed into one of her silences, before they hear the tell-tale sound of sobbing.

Shiro’s voice cracks as she finally breaks, and accepts that she is doing to die. 

If Keith thought the other logs were hard to listen to, this is torture.  Shiro’s words are barely audible as she cries, sobbing her fears and regrets, saying good-bye to all that she knows and loves.  She mentions her time at the Garrison, that even though it led to some horrible experiences, she never regrets all she learnt there.  Shiro cries to Voltron.  To the team she grew to cherish as a family, to the many adventures they’ve had since this all begun. 

Then Shiro begins to apologise.  For being weak, for dying here, so far away from where anyone will find her.  For leaving this burden of a war upon the shoulders of friends she knows will go on without her, but will mourn for her loss nonetheless.  She apologises to Pidge for not being able to help find Matt, and that she’s terrified he never well.  She apologises to Allura, for all that he’s suffered at the hands of the Galra.  She apologises to the team for disappearing, for needing them so often.

She apologises to Keith, for never being able to tell her…

“That’s…that’s where it ends…” Pidge explains, voice thick with tears.  “The recording cuts out after that…I think it’s when the wormhole opened and we found her…”

Keith notices Pidge is not the only one hanging on by a thread because of what they just heard.

Everyone is hurting by the realisation of what Shiro has gone through.  Allura has tears running down his face.  Lance has her head between her knees as she crouches on the floor.  Hunk is holding nothing back as she cries against Coran, who isn’t doing any better.  Keith…Keith has gone silent.

Maybe she’s shed too many tears in her life, too many tears for Shiro alone, that she has none left.  She understands it’s not that she’s unaffected, because Shiro’s screams of anguish as she clung to life were the most heartbreaking thing she’s ever had to hear.  Keith just has come to learn tears won’t change what has happened, nor will they make anything better now.

She’s done with crying.

“I have to go,” Keith announces, unaware of the looks of confusion thrown her way as she leaves the room. 

She storms from the main control room, down the hallway toward the paladin’s dormitories.

No more tears, she promises herself.

\---

**Then**

_You can do this._

_It’s not scary._

_The worse thing that can happen is hearing a ‘no’._

Keith feels herself stiffen at the thought, because that is definitely not the worst thing that could happen.

Logically, she knows Shiro is too kind, too good of a person, to find Keith’s company awkward even after what she is about to learn.  Shiro, if she refuses Keith’s confession, will only laugh, brush it off, and tell Keith to focus on her studies.  Yet the underlying fear still remains, that Keith doesn’t know Shiro as well as she hopes, and that Shiro will only use this as an excuse to stop being her friend.

Keith shivers at the thought.

Yet she’s laid awake for hours, sometimes squished to Shiro’s side in her single bed, weighing the pros against the cons repeatedly.  Honestly, the cons always outweighed the pros, and Keith knew there was a slim chance Shiro would even return her feelings in the first place.  Yet if she did, Keith knew she’d feel silly for ever having hesitated.  Besides, that not what Keith does.  She doesn’t hesitate; she acts on instincts with a dash of impulse.  It’s what has gotten her this far in her training, why Iverson paired her with Shiro in the first place.

And her instincts won’t shut up about telling Shiro how she feels.

Keith continues to mutter to herself as she follows the hallway around the corner toward the library, where she knows Shiro is waiting for her.  There, Keith will have her regular study session alongside her mentor.  They’ll go over her homework to make sure it’s in top shape.  Once the sky darkens outside and the stars come out, Keith will ask if they can finish early.  Then, Keith will tell her.

Keith will tell Shiro she loves her.

Maybe not love…it’s a bit soon for that, but she definitely likes her, has a very strong crush on her that goes far beyond platonic and wants Shiro to know that.

Keith tries to wrestle her beating heart down to something manageable as she enters the library and heads toward their usual spot.

“You’re a little late,” Shiro remarks, though Keith knows there’s has no bite to it.

“Sorry,” Keith utters, taking her seat across from Shiro.  “Felt a little off this morning.”

Keith regrets saying it, because she knows Shiro will worry.  Sure enough, Shiro’s brows furrow, and she leans across the table immediately to push Keith’s bangs out of the way and place her palm on her forehead.  Keith feels herself turn red under Shiro’s hand, at Shiro’s obvious concern for her.

“Funny,” Shiro says, “You don’t feel warm, but you are a little flushed.”

Keith finds she can’t speak.  Shiro finally removes her hand.

“Make sure you drink some orange juice and go to bed early tonight, ‘kay?” she lightly punches Keith on the shoulder for good measure.

Keith nods, still red.

She’ll never get over how much Shiro shows she cares for her in such little ways.  Like when Shiro gives her the extra slice of toast she snuck from the breakfast bar, or when Shiro shares answers to homework she did years ago that Keith would be better off figuring out herself, but would never refuse the help.  When Keith stays longer in Shiro’s room, and Shiro claims it’s too late to walk all the way back across campus, so offers her own bed to share despite its single mattress.  All these little things pile on top of each other, making Keith feel so special whenever Shiro is around. 

Keith has to shake the feeling creeping up on her.  That undying need to blurt out her secret now, to tell Shiro everything.  It will be best if she waits until they’re leaving, Keith reminds herself.  There’s no rush, she continues to chant in her mind as she opens her notebooks.

They begin studying together without further incident.  Keith goes over comet courses throughout their known galaxy, while Shiro revises notes she has for an upcoming exam.  The library is filled with hushed whispers from students who are gossiping rather than studying, the footsteps of the librarians filling the empty spaces in between.  Eventually, the little noise begins to dwindle as the sky turns golden outside, light reflecting off the ceiling.

Keith finds herself startled when Shiro suddenly slams her book shut.

“Okay, that’s it!  I can’t take it!” Shiro leans across the table, fists clenched, that bright smile Keith has grown to adore lighting her beautiful face.  Keith knows she’s blushing again.  “Are you going to ask me or not?”

Keith’s blush disappears, her face turning white in its place. She swallows hard, hands shaking as she closes her own notebook.

How could Shiro possibly have known?  She hadn’t told a soul!  Was she that obvious?  Did someone catch her staring at Shiro and revealed her feelings early?

 “Ask you?” Keith stammers, her voice quivering, all the courage she gathered before flying out of her.

Shiro continues to lean across the table, giving Keith an expectant look, almost excited.  A small amount of hope flutters in Keith’s chest at the shine in Shiro’s eyes.

“Are you going to ask me about the Kerberos entrance exam or not?”

Keith feels her heart stop in her chest.

Right.

The trials for the Kerberos mission were this morning.

How could she have forgotten?

Keith blinks, shaking her previous thoughts from her head.

“Right, sorry!  How did the trials go?”

Keith feels like it’s not genuine anymore, like she’s reciting from a script, even though she is genuinely interested.  Though as Shiro continues to smile at her, Keith is confident she did great.

“I did great!” Shiro confirms.  “Not to brag or anything, but I was clearly the best pilot there!”

Keith giggles when Shiro’s voice lowers into a mock whisper, sharing a smug and knowing look with her.

“As if there’s any other choice,” Keith jokes.  “I’m surprised you weren’t just hand-picked from the start.”

“They just want the other pilots to feel like they have a fighting chance.”

They both snicker into their hands, getting a dirty look from the librarian as a result.  It’s getting late anyway, and Keith finds this is as good as time as any to put her plan into action.  The light-hearted aura filling the room has calmed her, made it less tense, and she feels she can confess to Shiro with minimal screw ups.

Hopefully.

Keith gathers her wits, tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear, and takes a deep breath.

“Hey, Shiro!  Good work today on the Kerberos trial!”

Keith finds herself choking on her tongue.

“Thanks, Matt!” Shiro greets, bright smile still in place. 

A boy strolls up to them.  He’s small and gangly, frizzy blonde hair and round glasses.  Keith recognises him from Shiro’s grade, and knows sometimes they fly together during simulation tests.  Keith wonders if he was at the trial also.  She tries not to glare at him as he and Shiro share a conversation, laugh over a few inside jokes and punch each other on the shoulders. 

“Sorry you had to miss your own trial,” Shiro says, voice turned serious.  “Did you get sick or something?”

Matt looks sheepish as he explains he caught a sudden stomach bug that morning and had to postpone his own trial until next week.  Shiro laughs, tells him he’s weak, then orders him to drink more orange juice and go to bed early. It’s all so casual, so fluid, a telling sign they’d been friends for years.

It’s like how Shiro acts with Keith.

It’s then that Keith suddenly realises something heartbreaking: she is not special. 

Shiro is kind to her, is her friend, teaches her things she doesn’t understand.  Shiro allows Keith to hide in her dorm room when things are gray, when she needs a place to hide.  Shiro compliments her grades and her efforts, yet these are things Shiro does with everybody.  Keith has seen Shiro offer time out of her day to anyone and everyone willing to ask, and even to those who are too shy to do so.  Shiro is naturally a people person, effortlessly pleasing everyone around her.

Keith just happens to be around her a lot.

Keith suddenly feels sick, her eyes stinging with unwarranted tears.

She understands in her heart of hearts Shiro still likes her, still cherishes her as a friend, but she was stupid to read Shiro’s kindness as anything more than what it is.  She was selfish to think it could mean anything more than what it does.

“Keith?” Keith startles from her thoughts at Shiro’s voice, her expression that of concern.  “Keith, are you okay?”

Shiro’s voice is filled with worry but Matt is looking at her funny.  Keith flushes, hating feeling judged by someone she doesn’t know.  She hides her face, nodding quietly.

“’M Fine,” she mumbles, clearly not fine, but not wanting to admit otherwise.

“Is it your fever?  Do you need to go lie down?” Shiro stands from her chair now, walking around to get a closer look at Keith’s face.  Keith doesn’t let her, quickly standing and gathering her things before Shiro can notice her red eyes. 

“Yeah, I think I’ll go do that,” she quickly excuses herself, giving Shiro a quick goodbye and hurrying past the pair of older students, ignoring Shiro’s urgent calls of her name as she rushes from the library.

As Keith’s hurried footsteps fill the hallway, matching the thundering of her heart, she can’t shake the thoughts from her mind.  She’s not special to Shiro, not in the way she’d like to be anyway.  Shiro cares for her just like Shiro cares for all her friends.  Keith tells her she should be thankful Shiro cares about her at all.

Besides, with the Kerberos mission coming up, Shiro will have enough on her plate to worry about.  Adding a girlfriend to the mix won’t make things any easier.  It would be greedy of Keith to ask her for anything more than the sanctuary Shiro has already provided her.

\---

**Now**

Keith is going to tell her.

She knows, she _knows,_ that she’s said that to herself before.  It’s been a promise she’s broken to herself more times than she can count.  All those times her courage was misplaced, or Shiro looked at her just a little too long and she found herself falling deeper, wanting to shout her feelings from the bottom of the well that seems to be growing deeper by the day.  All those times Keith was sure, that ‘today is the day’, when it was never that day at all.  Keith understands she’s said it before.

This time, however, is different, because Keith finally realises how much little she has to lose, versus how much she has to gain.

After everything they have been through together.  Keith has saved Shiro’s life more times than is fit for one person, enough that anyone else would count their debt paid, yet Keith would never give up on Shiro simply because their score had been settled.  She’ll continue to fight for Shiro until the day she dies, and right now is no different.  Keith had no idea one of the monsters she had been battling in Shiro’s honour were her own feelings, and it was finally time to take down the beast.

She could rationalise that, again, maybe now is not the time.  That while Shiro is still recovering from being rescued from the brink of death.  That she’s still working through the memories and trauma of her capture and escape (again).  She probably doesn’t need a confession right now, especially from the only person she trusts to be close to her.

But that’s the problem.  It’s never the right time, and Keith is sick of making excuses for herself, sick of waiting for fate to cut them some slack and give them a moment’s peace. 

Time to make her own fate.

Her footsteps echo through the hallway, yet are no match for the thundering of Keith’s heart as it thumps in her chest.  Keith grits her teeth, clenches her jaw, shuts down any part of her that feels fear or anxiety. 

No more running away.

She reaches her own door, where she knows Shiro is locked away behind it.  Hiding away from the world, sleeping in the dark, looking for safety under the blankets until Keith can return. 

Keith takes a deep breath, tucks a lock of stay hair behind her ear, and knocks to announce her presence before entering the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shiro slowly lets her hand relax, her fingers threading through Keith’s, lightly squeezing back.   
> “We listened to your pilot logs, the ones from the fighter ship.”  
> Shiro’s hand stiffens, and Keith can tell she’s scared. Scared of what they heard, of what Shiro had said. She wasn’t exactly lucid during all that time; she never wanted to hurt her team. She genuinely thought she wouldn’t be around if they somehow managed to find the logs at all.  
> Shiro starts to retract her hand, pulling away, but this time, Keith doesn’t let her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done! Thank you Yieson for being so patient with me! ;; Hope everyone likes it!

**Then**

It’s not really a secret that Keith’s place of residence is a shack out in the middle of nowhere.  You can spot it from the Garrison even, if you sneak up to the roof and wait for the sun to set so you can spot that little blemish on the otherwise smooth horizon.  She’s been ridiculed for it by classmates, and had a few backhanded compliments from some teachers, but in all honesty, Keith loves every part of her home.

She could choose to live there year-round if she wished, but her dad had thought it good for her social skills if she stayed in the dorms (it didn’t help, but nice try, dad).  Still, it hasn’t stopped her from packing a bag and hiking out across the sand to see the place on the quieter of weekends.  She always shows up unannounced, but her dad is always delighted to see her anyway.

Shiro has heard about the shack extensively, could recite the whole layout if questioned, yet she’s never visited.  Keith had never invited her; too afraid of the ridicule she might receive if Shiro saw exactly what it looked like.  It wasn’t even dirty, Keith would remind herself.  She just saw a whole lot in very little.

Still, she figured if Shiro truly wanted to visit, she’d ask.  She never did, so Keith didn’t either.

Until now.

They stumble through the door, the room spinning, their feet heavy and their heads light.  One of them slams the door behind them, while they giggle and snigger about no one knows what.  Their breath smells like cheap beer and stale corn chips.  Honestly though, with Shiro warm and heavy by her side, black hair sweeping in tendrils over pale shoulders, Keith doesn’t mind the mild stench.

“So, this is it?” Shiro asks, looking around slowly, her words slightly slurred.  “The infamous Kogane shack!  Where the darling Akira Kogane was born and raised!” 

“I wasn’t born here!” Keith argues.  “That’s gross!”

Keith giggles as she goes to open the windows to let out the musty air.

Shiro stumbles over to the couch where she lets herself fall heavily onto the battered cushions with an ‘oof’.

Keith’s dad is gone for the weekend, some kind of hunting trip he had said, which meant the shack had been empty and bare, there for the taking, and with the famous end of semester party happening only a few miles out in an old warehouse, it had seemed like a no brainer for Shiro to finally pay the place a visit.  Keith’s inhibitions had been thinned and lightened by the alcohol, so she had found it hard to say no when Shiro had come begging to see her home.  Not like she’s ever been able say no to that gorgeous smile that lights Shiro’s eyes like an exploding star.

Keith joins Shiro on the couch, though sits down far more gently, cautiously.

She’s aware she has no real sense of judgement right now, no inner voice to tell her to stop if she gets a little bold, so she’s careful around Shiro.

Shiro doesn’t seem to share that sentiment, immediately sliding over so their thighs are pressed together.  Keith is not surprised.  Shiro drank far more than her, yet Keith still feels herself turn warm, blames it on the stale air.

“Finally!  Quiet!” Shiro shouts, completely destroying the quiet she is currently praising.  “I love the end of semester parties, but it’s like everyone forgets volume control as soon as they get a few beers in them!”

Keith giggles as Shiro proves her own theory correct.

“I’m surprised you even went,” Keith says softly, though her words feel weird in her mouth, almost as if they’re hard to get out.  “Kerberos is two weeks away; I thought you’d be dead-set on preparing for that.”

Shiro suddenly groans, letting herself collapse entirely onto Keith’s shoulder.

“It’s too _hard!_ ” Shiro whines.  Keith stifles another giggle.  Keith has seen Shiro when she’s ‘tired drunk’, where she’s been so sleep deprived and stressed she doesn’t know what she’s saying and her words seem to be picked at random as they come from her lips, but can be fixed with a good night’s sleep.  This is something different entirely.  Keith has never seen Shiro like this before.

“Aren’t you excited?” Keith wonders aloud. “You get to be part of the first team to set foot on a moon of Pluto!  You’ll be the first woman to do it entirely!”

Keith has a small freak out every time she thinks of these things; of Shiro accomplishing so much at so young.  She can only hope to achieve even a fraction of what Shiro is about to.

“Yeah, I’m excited,” Shiro mumbles, sounding the total opposite. 

Keith gives her a worried look.

“You don’t…sound like it?”

There’s a heavy silence that fills the shack.  Keith waits, gazes at Shiro as she collects her thoughts, staring pensively at the ceiling while still pressed to Keith’s side.

“I want to go, I do, but at the same time, I’m fucking terrified.”

This is the first Keith has heard any negative emotions Shiro has harboured toward her upcoming mission.

“It’s just…” Shiro continues, gathering her drunken thoughts.  “So far away.  What if something goes wrong?  There’s no calling for back up, or for any help at all.  If something goes wrong, that’s it.  You say your prayers and good-byes and let fate take you.”

Keith is speechless.

“And I’m the pilot!  Nine-out-of-ten chance if something goes wrong, it’ll be because of me!”

“That’s not true!” Keith interjects swiftly.  “Nothing will go wrong-“

“You don’t know that.”

“ _Nothing_ _will go wrong!_ ” Keith insists.  She’s turned to Shiro fully now, looking into dark eyes with her own, the moonlight outside lighting their little moment up and giving it a soft aura that’s not fitting to their discussion at all.  “You’re an amazing pilot, Shiro!  You’ve bested tests on the simulation I’ve never even seen!  The Garrison has to keep thinking up new ways of testing your skills because you advance too fast for them!”

“Those are simulations,” Shiro says, sullen and sad beside Keith.  “I’m not scared of a bad grade!  You get a bad grade and you hurt no-one but yourself.  I fail a real circumstance like any of those and people die!  I die!”

It goes quiet again, and Keith suddenly feels how heavy the air is around them, and it’s no longer just because her shack has sat alone for so long.  Keith isn’t sure what to say to make Shiro feel better; she’s never been good at that.  Saying what she knows, that Shiro will excel on this mission and any others she takes on, doesn’t seem to be helping.

It could be just the booze talking, and Shiro will wake up tomorrow completely fine, except for a slight hangover, but Keith also knows this is Shiro’s heart of hearts talking, and it needs to be heard.

“You’re meant for this, Shiro,” Keith finds herself saying.  Shiro shifts so she can look at Keith better while she talks.  “You’re meant to be amongst the stars, millions of lightyears away, piloting space ships beyond even our imaginations.  You’re meant for something far beyond this.  Earth has nothing for you, and that’s why you’re going to be great.”

Shiro sits up, looking Keith in the eyes.  Keith gazes back.

“Go on this mission,” Keith continues.  “Be great.  Make us all proud.  Then come back, so you can do it all over again.”

Shiro is silent, but slowly, a small smile graces her features, her lip quivering, her eyes brimming with tears.  She sniffles, lifting up an arm to wipe at her tears.  It’s a domino effect, and suddenly Keith feels her own eyes stinging as well.

“You’re wrong.  Earth has something for me,” Shiro says, her eyes hidden in the crook of her elbow.  “Earth has you, and I’m going to be so far away from you.  Who am I going to get these kinds of pep-talks from?  Matt’s not exactly articulate with his feelings unless he can calculate the exact perama-whatevers or something like that.”

Keith laughs, wet and choked.

“Then when you come back, I’ll make sure I’m fully trained and certified, so I can go on the next mission with you.”

Shiro finally removes her arm, tears streaming down her face as she continues to gaze at her friend.

“You promise?” she all but sobs.

“I promise.”

“Good.”

Then Shiro kisses her.  She leans across what little space is between them with no hesitation, and plants her lips right on Keith’s.  Keith is frozen, even when Shiro reaches up to cup her jaw and part her lips with a slick tongue.  Slowly, Keith’s brain catches up with what is going on around her, and she kisses back.  It’s sloppy and wet and Keith isn’t sure what she’s doing, but Shiro doesn’t pull away, so neither does she.

For a first kiss, it’s a little clumsy, a little smelly from the alcohol on their breaths, and feels kind of weird, yet Keith wouldn’t change a thing.  For a first kiss, it’s perfect.

When they part, it’s with a wet smack, and Shiro is still holding her face.  Keith knows her own face is red, that she’s out of breath, that she’s completely sober now.

Shiro is quiet again, breathing heavily against Keith’s face.

“Keith?” Shiro whispers, not daring to break what she has just built, this small, quiet sanctuary fixed into their memories just for them.

“Yeah?” Keith answers timidly, afraid this is all some dream that will blow away if she breathes too wrong.

“Please don’t take this as a direct critique of what we just did.”

“Huh?”

Shiro rips herself away, bends over and throws up.

\---

Shiro never brings up the kiss, so neither does Keith.

Shiro leaves two weeks later, and Keith watches her go from an abandoned field just off-campus, where she can watch the rocket launch into a wide arc before disappearing into the stratosphere.  Keith feels her heart ache at the absence, feels herself tear up a little even, but tells herself it won’t be forever.  Shiro will come back, and when she does, Keith will tell her exactly how she feels.

And this time, she won’t back down.

\---

**Now**

“How are you feeling?” Keith asks first.

Shiro is curled up under the blankets, though not asleep.  Keith can see her eyes, wide awake and barely blinking.  When Keith enters, Shiro sits up, offering a weak smile.  Keith returns it, shrugging off her jacket and sitting down beside Shiro on the bed. 

Shiro’s hair is so much longer now.  Where once it fell to her chest when let out, the heavier of the hair shaved away at the nape of her neck, now it lay in long, knotted tendrils down her back and around her shoulders.  The white had spread too.  She looks older, and it’s not just the hair, but the way she holds herself, how tired she looks when Keith gazes at her eyes.

Keith would fight the universe to take that look away.

“The same,” Shiro offers, honest, not one to pretend she’s better when she’s not.  At least not here, not in front of Keith.  “I ate though, and drank water.”

“Good,” Keith says softly.

There’s a silence that fills the room, though it’s not exactly uncomfortable, just loaded.  Keith knows she’s the cause.

“So, how did it go?  What did the team have to say?” Shiro looks worried.

Keith knows Shiro isn’t dumb by any sense, and will know they were talking about her.  There’s no point in hiding that if it will only make Shiro more anxious about returning to them.

“They’re just worried,” Keith says, because it’s the truth.  “They don’t expect you back on the field any time soon; we all want you to recover at your own pace.”

Shiro looks sullen at the words.

“I still feel guilty,” she admits.  “I should at least go see them, I know that.  I just…can’t stomach it right now.”

Keith reaches out, placing a comforting hand upon Shiro’s, the galra one, giving it a squeeze. 

“I can tell them you said ‘hey’, and that you miss them.”

Shiro slowly lets her hand relax, her fingers threading through Keith’s, lightly squeezing back.

“We listened to your pilot logs, the ones from the fighter ship.”

Shiro’s hand stiffens, and Keith can tell she’s scared.  Scared of what they heard, of what Shiro had said.  She wasn’t exactly lucid during all that time; she never wanted to hurt her team.  She genuinely thought she wouldn’t be around if they somehow managed to find the logs at all.

Shiro starts to retract her hand, pulling away, but this time, Keith doesn’t let her.

“It’s okay, Shiro,” Keith says, soft and assured, filling her voice with as much sincerity as she can muster.  “We just wanted to know what you went through; we thought it might help your recovery.”

Shiro is still trying to tug her hand away.

“I’m just a little embarrassed,” Shiro’s voice is so small.  Keith blanches.  Maybe listening to those logs were a mistake after all. 

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“It’s like someone reading your diary out to the entire class; like someone has a direct connection to your brain and makes you say the things you never want to admit.”

It goes quiet again, and Keith finally lets go of Shiro’s hand.  Shiro has retreated back in on herself again, and Keith feels awful for destroying this small place of comfort Shiro had found.

“Would it help if I shared some of my own secrets?”  Shiro wears a confused look on her face, brows pinching together as she looks anywhere but at Keith.  “You said it felt like someone had read your diary aloud, so what if I do the same?  Would it make you feel better?” 

Though Keith’s offer is completely genuine, Shiro slowly shakes her head, still not looking Keith in the eyes.

“You don’t have to do that, Keith.”

It’s quiet between them again; uncomfortable.  Keith doesn’t like it.  She’s always found comfort at Shiro’s side, always found a home away from home wherever she was, and had always silently hoped Shiro thought the same.  She had never meant to tear down the one safety net Shiro had been clinging to.

“You know when we first got here, and there was that bathroom that flooded?  We had to spend all day figuring out the plumbing system in the castle before finally being able to shut it off so we could fix it.”

If Shiro didn’t look confused enough before, she certainly does now.

“Yeah?”

“That was me.”

Shiro finally looks at her, blinking slowly, owlishly.

“Altean taps are weird; I didn’t know which one was hot or cold.  Then I couldn’t figure out how to turn them on, so I got frustrated and smashed them both.  I didn’t want to tell anyone, because we just got here and we were supposed to be paladins of Voltron; to uphold this image of decorum and elegance.  I didn’t know anyone that well, and I certainly didn’t want to tell Allura I couldn’t work a tap of all things.  So, I just left it, thinking maybe it would magically fix itself.  It didn’t.  Then we all had to clean up the mess.”

Shiro continues to blink at her, puzzled, before her lips twitch into a very small smile.  Small, but present.  Keith counts that as a victory.

“Is that supposed to be a metaphor?” Shiro asks.

“No, not really.  It’s just a funny story; and something I’m still embarrassed about.”

At that, Shiro stifles a laugh into her palm.

“Hang on,” she says, still giggling.  “Didn’t we end up blaming Lance for that mess? She had to buff the healing pods by herself for a week.”

Keith feels herself turning red, but only smiles at Shiro as she slowly nods.  Shiro laughs, truly laughs, throwing back her head as that loud, raucous sound leaves her lips.  Her shoulders shake and she clutches her stomach.  Keith finds herself laughing as well, the happy feeling contagious as it bubbles in her stomach and spreads to her chest. 

They both sit there, in the dimly lit room, giggling beside each other at the memory.  The chaos that had ensued that day, all because of a simple mistake Keith could have easily rectified.  Eventually, the laughter dies down, and though Shiro still looks tired and sad, at least she has a cautious smile on her lips, and a shine in her eyes fights to be seen.

“Thank you, Keith,” Shiro says. 

Keith shrugs, and it goes silent once again.  This time, however, the air isn’t as loaded with the unspoken pressures Shiro feels.  It feels far more natural.  Like they’re sitting in Shiro’s room back at the Garrison, hiding away from the world before dinner time, savouring what alone time they have with each other.

Shiro shifts, her hand reaching for Keith’s once again.  Keith takes it without hesitation.

“Can I tell you another secret?” Keith asks, the question heavy in the air.  Shiro is playing with Keith’s hand, the pads of her fingers tracing the lines in Keith’s palm.  Shiro nods, distracted by Keith’s dirty fingernails. 

Keith takes a deep breath.  Her heart beats erratically in her chest.  She isn’t sure if this is the best time, if she’s managed to create an opportunity for herself or is about to rip away the one thing keeping Shiro afloat.  She isn’t sure if this is even the right thing to do, and her hand shakes in Shiro’s grip as she fights the fear now settled in her nerves.

“I love you,” Shiro says.

Keith freezes. 

She slowly turns to Shiro, eyes wide with utter shock.  She must have heard that wrong.  The stress of this day and her decision to finally confess has manifested so now she’s hearing things that shouldn’t be happening.  Yet, as she gazes back at Shiro, who clutches her hand even tighter now, worry imminent in her features, Keith has to wonder if it might have been real after all.

“What?” Keith gets out.  It’s small and barely there, leaving her lips and fluttering around the room like a butterfly with a hurt wing.

Shiro shies away for a moment, her hair falling in front of her face as she gathers the words in her mouth again.

“I love you.”

But there they are, clear as day, and Keith feels tears filling her eyes as she grips Shiro’s hand in hers.

“Shiro,” she gasps, voice wet and thick as she clambers onto the bed and into Shiro’s lap.  “I love you, too!”

Her arms wind around Shiro’s neck, her face pressed into Shiro’s shoulder.  It’s a moment before Shiro gathers what has happened and returns the embrace.  Keith grips Shiro so tightly, scared her friend will disappear again if she dares to let go.  She doesn’t let herself cry, not fully, only sniffles into Shiro’s neck while she feels a hand pet her hair.

“I didn’t know if I should tell you,” Shiro continued, her voice the steadiest Keith has heard since they had found her floating out in space.  “But something about what you just did, sharing your secrets to make me feel better, it just reminded me how long I’ve been wanting to tell you, and how many chances I’ve missed because I keep saying ‘not now’.”

Keith pulls back so she can look Shiro in the eyes, pushing back a lock of dark hair, tracing Shiro’s prominent cheekbone with a shaking hand.

“I think I can relate,” Keith laughs, still on the verge of crying.

Shiro’s eyes flicker over Keith’s face, before she silently asks.

“Can I kiss you?”

Keith tries not to seem too eager as she quickly nods her approval, holding her breath as Shiro shifts closer, before their lips meet in a warm breath.  It’s a soft kiss, a warm kiss.  Keith moves her lips against Shiro’s only slightly.  Shiro returns the notion.  It’s uneventful yet it sets Keith’s nerves alight.  It’s the most perfect first kiss any couple has ever shared, and she’ll go to the grave before admitting otherwise.

Shiro’s grip suddenly goes tight.  Her fingers dig into Keith’s hip and the kiss grows keep.  She pries Keith’s mouth open and slips her tongue between soft lips, already moaning at the warmth spreading through her thighs.  Keith whimpers, the unexpected turn of events shocking her, but not in a bad way.  She fights to keep up, gripping Shiro’s hair and adjusting her mouth, poking at Shiro’s tongue with her own.

They kiss like that for what feels like forever, Shiro’s hold on her growing tighter and tighter, more feverous as time goes on around them.  Keith feels herself shiver, feels Shiro’s pulse flutter under her fingertips where she keeps a hand on her shoulder.  Eventually, Shiro pulls away, Keith following with a whimper.  Shiro huffs a laugh, connecting their lips again, then pulling away more slowly.

Shiro looks almost sheepish, gazing at Keith’s lips as she pants for breath.

“Sorry about that,” Shiro breathes, warm and moist against Keith’s face.  “I guess I got carried away.”

Keith wants to say there’s no need for an apology, not when her crotch is literally on fire and throbbing under her jeans.

“Th-that’s fine,” Keith gasps.  She knows her face is bright red, and she’s thankful for the lack of clear lighting in the room right now.  “I-It was…I liked it.”

Shiro’s eyes flick to hers, full of mischief and mirth.  Keith gulps.

“Keith?” Shiro begins, soft and cautious.  Keith hums in acknowledgement, trying to will her arousal to calm down.  It doesn’t seem to be working as Shiro keeps a tight grip on her hips.  “I don’t want to waste any more time with you.  I feel like we’ve already missed so much because I was too stubborn or too careful.  I don’t want to be careful with you.”

Keith knows Shiro’s words are meant to be meaningful and full of care and love, but Keith can’t help but feel her excitement rare back up like flames doused with kerosene. 

“That probably sounded wrong,” Shiro quickly amends, eyes downcast as she struggles to find the right way to express herself.  Keith is quick to appease her.

“No!  I know what you’re saying!” Shiro looks at her, hopeful.  “I feel the same way.  I don’t want to live with anymore regrets; especially not with you.”

Shiro’s smile is beautiful, even if it’s barely visible.  Keith’s heart beats faster in her chest, anticipation dwelling in her veins.

“Do you want to…to keep going?  We could just take it slow…” Despite everything, Keith is still careful with her approach to this.  She doesn’t want Shiro to feel pressured, or cornered.  This isn’t about forcing her to do something she isn’t ready for.

“Yeah, we could do that,” Shiro says, moving closer to Keith’s lips again.  Keith reciprocates by sliding further into Shiro’s lap.  “Or we could not take it slow at all.”

The shiver that runs up Keith’s spine is enough to almost knock her to the floor.

“Yeah,” she breathes, suddenly impatient and critical of how much clothing they’re still wearing.  “Let’s do that.”

Their lips meet in a kiss so hot and searing Keith can feel her very core burning.  Shiro’s hands fly to her ass, gripping the globes through her jeans.  Keith gasps against the kiss, trying to still herself at least a little, but it doesn’t work when Shiro’s strong hands move her hips against her own.  Keith whimpers at the contact, her jeans already working over her and making her whimper and cry.

“You’re wearing too much,” Shiro breathes against Keith’s lips.  Keith swallows thickly, nodding, and yanks her shirt off over her head.  Her fingers fumble with her belt, but with Shiro’s help her pants open and are slid down her thighs.

It doesn’t occur to her that she just got naked in front of her long-time crush and love of her life.  It doesn’t seem to hit her that Shiro is now feeling up under her bra, squeezing a pert nipple and mouthing at her neck.  It doesn’t really become clear that Shiro is pushing her jeans the rest of the way down her legs.  Keith works her knees out of them and kicks them off her ankles, her bra is unhooked and pulled from her arms. 

She’s now bare except for her panties, boring and black, but they don’t seem to bother Shiro, who becomes interested in playing with the hem as Keith continues to kiss and suck eagerly at Shiro’s lips and tongue.

“Your breasts are really great,” Shiro says, proving her words by moving from Keith’s lips, kissing down her chest, and taking a nipple into her mouth.  Keith whimpers, clutching at Shiro, suddenly very aware of what is happening.  “So soft, holy shit.”

Keith goes warm, moaning at Shiro’s words.

“Sh-shiro, don’t be embarrassing,” she stammers, biting her lip as Shiro tugs on a nipple with her teeth. “Shiro, god!”

“It’s not embarrassing,” Shiro reassures her.  “We’re the only ones here.  I’m the only one who will see you like this.”

Keith isn’t sure if Shiro’s words are meant to be comforting or arousing, but as they have both simultaneous effects, she doesn’t question it. 

Keith can’t help but whimper when their eyes meet again, as she feels Shiro slip her fingers under the hem of Keith’s panties, pushing them down, down, down until Keith has to lift her knees to get them off.  Now she’s completely naked in front of Shiro, who still has her tank top and boxer shorts on, making Keith feel vulnerable and nervous.  Yet it also excites her.  Excites her that Shiro obviously likes seeing her like this, obviously likes making her twitch and whimper under a heady gaze.

“W-well, are you going to get on with it?” Keith knuckles turn white as she grips Shiro’s shoulders, trying to feign some kind of confidence.

“I’m getting there,” Shiro laughs.  “I’m admiring the view.”

Keith fights the urge to hide herself as best she can as she feels Shiro’s eyes rake over her.  She knows she’s not conventionally attractive.  Her tits are like darts poking off her chest rather than the soft pillows everyone else seems to have.  She’s never taken much thought to finding properly fitted bras, or even buying new ones when she needs them, and she’s never shaved any part of herself a day in her life.  She suddenly feels very self-conscious of her hairy legs and genitals.

“I didn’t know we’d be doing this,” Keith says as way of an apology.  “I didn’t really have time to prepare.”

Shiro catches her eyes, sees where Keith is motioning too, and snorts.

“Keith, please, I showered for the first time in three days this morning.  I was kept in a fighter ship with only my own sweat and urine to keep me company.”  Keith scrunches up her nose at the thought of Shiro suffering like that.  “Every part of you is beautiful, no matter what you think.”

Keith sighs, already feeling the comfort and familiarity of Shiro’s presence and words.  As their lips meet again, lazy and languid kisses shared between them, Keith realises there’s really nothing to be afraid of.  That Shiro would never judge her, in this situation or in any situation.  Shiro’s words have been nothing but kind and encouraging since the day they met, and just because they’re now sharing the most intimate parts of themselves with each other, doesn’t mean anything will change. 

Shiro is still Shiro, despite everything she has been through, and Keith is forever grateful for that.

“Do you want to take your shirt off?” Keith asks, pushing the white lock of hair out of Shiro’s face, so she can gaze into gray eyes and get lost in them.  Shiro gives her a sheepish smile.

“I suppose I should, huh?  It would only be fair.”

Keith is quick to shake her head.

“I only want you to do it if you’re one hundred percent comfortable with it.”  Keith presses their foreheads together as she speaks.  “We can stay like this, if you want.  It doesn’t have to go any further.”

Though Keith is throbbing and she knows she’s already wet, even though she’s dying to grind on Shiro’s leg like a dog until she’s coming, she understands Shiro’s comfort and well-being stands above all of her desires.  Lucky for her, she doesn’t have to resist, as Shiro wears the most heart-warming smile ever seen, and then proceeds to pull her tank top over her head, throwing it to the floor.

Keith is breathless as she finally gazes at Shiro, who hurriedly pushes her boxers off under the sheets.  Shiro is beautiful.  Her skin, though mattered with scars and bruises, remains sensitive under Keith’s fingertips, gentle and pink as Keith lets her fingers slide over every part of her.  Keith doesn’t stop, cupping Shiro’s breasts in her hands.  They’re heavy and pliant and Keith has to stop herself from moaning at finally being able to hold them, warm in her hands.

“Having a good time?” Shiro asks, smugly looking at Keith.

Keith goes bright red.

“Sh-shut up!  You were doing it before too!”

Shiro laughs, arms going to wrap around Keith’s waist and pull their naked bodies closer.  Keith whines, her clit soft and puffy as she accidentally grinds against Shiro’s leg.

“Guilty,” Shiro admits, fingers digging into Keith’s ass, spreading her cheeks and playing with her there.  Keith whimpers.  “Can I get you off?”

Keith finds she doesn’t blush at that question, only nods vigorously, desperate and horny and so very in love with the girl underneath her.

“Please.  Please get me off.”

Shiro sets about propping Keith up, a thigh going between her legs, their chests pressed flushed together as she controls the pace of her hips.  Keith groans as that blessed friction is finally applied to her pussy, Shiro’s thigh and rough skin heavenly as she grinds her clit against the muscle.  It doesn’t take long for her to pick up the pace, eager and anxious for that sweet build up to take her.

“Shiro,” she breathes, arms still wound around Shiro’s neck, fingers in her hair.  Shiro pants hotly against Keith’s neck, working herself up as she humps against Keith’s own leg.  Keith groans at the feeling of Shiro hot and wet against her skin.  She can feel how slick her lover is, can feel how quickly she’d come if Keith were to apply more force.

“Fuck, Keith,” Shiro cusses, her panting growing hotter and heavier against Keith’s neck.  Keith reciprocates the exasperation in her voice, their hips going faster against each other’s limbs as their climaxes quickly build. 

Suddenly, Keith slows her movements, causing a pained whine to come from Shiro.  Keith only gives her a patient look, before readjusting herself completely.  Now, instead of humping each other like dogs, Keith slides their legs either side of each other, pressing their heats together and lifting her hips.  The mix of slick and overworked muscles make both girls moan at the sensation.  Overly-sensitive, swollen and soaked, their clits meet again and again as they find a rhythm that works.

Shiro shivers, legs twitching at a particularly good roll of Keith’s hips, returning it with a spasmed thrust of her own.  Keith lets out a yelp, sparks dancing up her body. 

“Wow, who knew you’d be so good at this,” Shiro pants, arms shaking as she fights to hold herself up. 

Keith finds she’s the same, trying so desperately to hold on as the feeling of coming builds and builds. 

“Me?  What about you?” Keith cries, as Shiro provides them with a harsh thrust, their clits rubbing together.  “God, I’m gonna come so hard if you keep that up!”

Shiro chuckles. 

Keith has to flick her hair out of her face, sit up and press herself firmer to Shiro’s body.  She doesn’t want any space between them as they get closer and closer to orgasm.  Shiro doesn’t hesitate to return this sentiment, holding Keith tight, their chests pressed together, arms wound around each other in a tight embrace as their hips continue to work.

“I’m going to come all over you,” Keith says, though it’s more of a state of fact than a promise.  There’s no way she’s going to be able to prevent herself from making a mess of the both of them.

“Oh fuck, please do!” Shiro’s grip on her tightens. 

Their movements grow erratic and their breathing uneven.  Their pacing doesn’t quite match anymore, as they’re forced by quakes of pleasure to find a sporadic rhythm between them.  Keith feels Shiro grunt against her neck, feels her tremble and shake beneath her body.  Keith feels her own shakes start as her orgasm builds.

“Sh-Shiro!” Keith barely has time to lock her lips with her newly-found lover’s before she feels herself clench, her back going ramrod straight and the feeling of white lightning rocket through her entire being.  It’s hot and cold all at once.  Like somehow being doused with fire and ice simultaneously.  It doesn’t end.

She parts from Shiro, panting hard, her orgasm continuing to cause her body to spasm as Shiro guides her hips.  Keith doesn’t have time to consider how damp the bed suddenly is, can only hold on for dear life as Shiro continues to rut against her.

“Holy fuck, Keith!  Did you squirt?  Just from that?”

Their movements pause for a second as Keith considers Shiro’s words, looking down to find that yes, she did indeed leave a bigger mess than intended.  She flushes bright red, hiding her face in Shiro’s neck, which is all the confirmation Shiro needs, and is enough to have her groaning in return.  Shiro’s hips press hard against Keith’s, her clit being rubbed in a way that can only be described as magic, before, she too, is coming against Keith.

It rocks Shiro’s body just as hard, fingernails digging uncomfortably into Keith’s back.  Shiro grunts and groans as her orgasm takes her by storm, coursing through her veins and leaving her taken of any strength or energy.

When it finally begins to die down, they’re both panting, heavy and shaken.  Keith hidden in Shiro’s hair.  Shiro trying very hard to separate their hips without knocking their now overly-sensitive clits.  It doesn’t work, and Keith flinches as Shiro pulls their hips apart. 

“Wow,” Shiro manages to gasp out, finally getting them into a comfortable position, where they can remain close without the extra stimulation making their hold on each other painful.  Keith would find it hot that Shiro can handle her so easily if she wasn’t currently coming down from what is possibly the best orgasm of her life. 

“Wow,” Keith finds herself repeating.

“That was something else,” Shiro laughs, eyes moist, lips wet and pink, cheeks flushed.  Keith finds her heart beating hard in her chest, their previous activity having nothing to do with it.

“Yeah.  Something else.”

It goes quiet in the room, but it’s the kind of quiet Keith finds herself welcoming.  A peaceful quiet, one not loaded or heavy with expectations and unanswered questions.  After a moment, Keith manages to extract herself from Shiro’s limbs fully, and they stretch out beside each other over the sheets.  Their heavy breathing has calmed, though Keith can still see a light sheen of sweat down Shiro’s body. 

It doesn’t stop them from wrapping their arms around one another, foreheads pressed together on the pillows, legs delicately tangled together.  Shiro plays with the skin on Keith’s hip.  Keith runs her fingers up and down Shiro’s back. 

“I love you,” Shiro says again.  Keith can hear the built confidence in her words, no hesitation to be sensed anywhere in this declaration.  

“I love you, too,” Keith returns with a smile. 

The kiss is warm and gentle, barely a press of their lips together, but it says everything in the world to Keith.  It’s more than enough.

Keith wants to apologise for the mess on the bed, that it will be a while before the mattress can dry and they can air it out because of Keith’s carelessness, but she also remembered the look on Shiro’s face when they had discovered her ‘talent’.  That wide look of utter adoration, unashamed and slightly turned-on.  Keith could never apologise for that.

“Maybe I’ll go see them tomorrow,” Keith hears Shiro whisper into her ear.  Keith nods.

“Don’t push yourself,” Keith reminds her.

Shiro shakes her head.

“I’m not,” Shiro promises.  “I just feel like, after this, there’s nothing to be afraid of anymore.  Even if they look at me funny-“

“They won’t!”

“Even if they do…I can handle it.”  Keith strokes Shiro’s tangled hair, giving her another light kiss in way of encouragement and reassurance.  “You make me feel like I can handle anything.”

Keith flushes, smiles, and presses their noses together in a fond kiss.  Shiro giggles, bright and carefree, pressed close to Keith in her bed, in their corner of the universe, finding, as they always have, sanctuary beside each other.

\---

“I’m telling you, Pidge, their cargo ships are heading to Narxota!”

“And I’m telling _you,_ Lance, their ships are heading beyond that to their next stronghold at Nefriite!”

“You’re crazy!”

“ _I’m_ crazy?  _You’re_ crazy!”

Their bickering continues, and as shrill as it is, offers some kind of familiarity to the ship’s main hull.  Keith smiles fondly at the pair as they argue under the holographic diagram of transport predictions. 

Though their argument is, somewhat, important, Keith can’t stop her mind wondering back down the hallway and toward the paladin’s dormitories, where Shiro claimed she was getting ready to step out of their room and greet the team.

 _Their_ room.

Keith smiles to herself at the reminder, that Shiro had asked, rather bluntly, that they share a room now instead of keeping their lives separate. 

 _“Or is it too soon to ask if I can move in with you?”_ Shiro had jested.

“Guys, why don’t we solve this and just go check out both headquarters?” Hunk asks, slouched in her seat, tired of this conversation going around in circles.

Just as Lance is about to quip back with an answer, the doors slide open, and in steps Shiro.  They’re all shocked to see her walking around so suddenly, sure, but even Keith’s mouth drops at the sight in front of her.

“It’s good to see you guys again,” Shiro offers in way of a greeting, completely ignoring their looks of astonishment.  “I can see you’ve kept hard at work even in my absence.”

Keith quickly shuts her mouth as Shiro makes her way over, swallowing what confusion she has so as not to make Shiro feel weird.  Though she can’t help it when her eyes rake over Shiro’s now bare nape.  On top of the wardrobe change, Shiro hadn’t just shaved her undercut again, she had cut all her hair off completely.  All the thick hair that used to gather on her shoulders in bundles, had been removed.  It now lay short and cropped, close to her skull, the paler hair left a little longer.  Though because of the sudden weight difference, it lay in a blinding fluffy, white tuft on top of her head.

It was cute.  It suited Shiro.

“It suits you,” Keith says, knowing Shiro will know exactly what she’s referring to. 

It doesn’t stop Shiro from going pink, rubbing the back of neck self-consciously.

“You think?  I know it’s a bit of a change, but I’ve always wanted to try short hair.  I just never had the courage to before,” she says, giving Keith a knowing look.

Keith only smiles back, taking Shiro’s fingers delicately between her own.

“I like it.  I like it a lot.”

The team, once over the shock of Shiro’s sudden change in appearance, rocket at her with tears of joy and hugs of delight.  Keith is worried it might be a bit much, but Shiro returns everyone’s affections eagerly, eyes wet with tears at the warm welcome. 

For a moment, everything returns to normal between them all.  Besides Shiro’s new hair, it’s like nothing has changed, and she never left.  Except for one, slightly large, exception.  Even when Pidge jumps on her, and Hunk almost topples them all over, Shiro keeps a firm grip on Keith’s hand.

Keith never dares to let go.


End file.
